Finding Myself Finding You
by HalfBloodPrincess12
Summary: Draco/OC (Half-Blood Prince setting) Meet Cassidy Allens, not your average cookie the outcast of her house. Sixth year is never easy but add in the death of your mum, finding out about your real father, and falling for the guy you shouldn't it looks impossible. Can she figure it all out? Can you love someone if you don't first love yourself?


Gray clouds hung low in the sky misting occasionally as I sat in the kitchen pulling at the hem of my dress. A light breeze drifted in from the window I had cracked and rustled the calendar that reminded my I had only finished my fifth term at Hogwarts three days ago and there were only two days until I turned sixteen. It would be the first birthday my mum would never see of mine. She was gone. My teeth clamped on my lip at the thought.

''Miss, the master wants you out of the kitchen." Our house elf appeared in the doorway nervously peering at me. "He said to send you out into the parlor with the guests immediately." I sighed deeply, rubbing my hands together. Mum's service had been short and now my father was hosting a party in her honor with over three hundred guests in attendance. If she had been alive she'd shake her head and tell me there weren't three hundreds people who liked her and my father would invite over. This was all for appearances like everything my father did was. "Miss..." The house elf came and took my hand tentatively. "Peoni know you miss the missus, Peoni do too. She and you are the kindest ladies Peoni ever met but making master mad bad. Master might hit Miss."

"Peoni, you don't have to refer to yourself in third person. We've been over this." I stood and walked out keeping my eyes to the floor.

Chatter filled the house. It was quiet and reserved but still there and no one was speaking of my mum, they were talking about the Dark Lord's rising or the imprisonment of the death eaters. I wanted to puke knowing that all these people were using mum's death as an excuse to come together and rub elbows. Worse yet, my father was one of them. "Sandwich?" A waitress lowered her tray.

I took one and bit into it. The soggy bread mashed in my mouth. I dropped it in the bin and kept walking. I was only thirty feet, if I could just make it to the staircase I could go to my room curl up in a ball and cry. I wouldn't stop until it was time to go back to Hogwarts, back to my friends. People I wouldn't be able to see anymore because my father didn't approve of their blood status or political views. Half way there. I was going to make it...

Dang it. A hand slung across my shoulders clamping down. My father pulled me near. Across from him was a large round man with little glasses and gray hair. Next to that man was a tall thin woman whose blonde hair fell perfectly. Her blue eyes were saddened and for a moment I thought maybe she had actually knew my mother and cared for her. That was until I realized who this woman was, Narcissa Malfoy. Her husband had been chucked into Azkaban not too long ago for death eater crap. "Cassidy, say hello." My father demanded.

"Hello." I said flatly not making eye contact.

Father was aggravated. "You'll have to forgive her lack of manners. She's holding onto this death thing a little long." A little long? I wanted to go into a full out rage, she had died two days ago! I choked.

The fat man reached out and touched my face. "I understand as I'm sure Narcissa does. Having just lost Lucius herself." I stepped back from him leaning hard against my father's arm and looking up in time to see Narcissa flinch.

My anger rose causing my face to get hot. "Yes, you see the thing is her husband is still alive and breathing. He'll be back eventually. My mum is gone. Forever." I steeled myself against the tears I felt brimming. Draco Malfoy appeared beside his mother.

Just great. He stared me up and down several times hard in the silence. I knew what he was seeing, though my dress and hair were neat my make up was sparse. I looked awful, my eyes red my nose near running. We were in the same house but were far from friends. Hardly anyone in my house gave me the time of day. I straightened my shoulders. "If you don't mind I'm excusing myself to my room." My father squeezed my arm tightly trying to stop me but I broke away stutter stepping towards the stair case. Realizing he couldn't make a spectacle of himself in front of his 'friends' I continued up the stairs. It wasn't until I reached the third landing that I heard the steps behind me.

My heart thudded in my chest. I had assumed punishment would wait longer then this. I paused my hand on the door knob. A thin hand touched my shoulder gently reminding me of my mother's touch. I turned my body to see Narcissa. "Cassidy, I-" She paused forming her words carefully. "I just followed you to say I'm sorry, for your loss and for Edward comparing Lucius's absence to your mother's. I can only be thankful that I'm not dealing with the same, and I can not imagine how you're feeling."

I nodded opening my door. "Thanks." I walked in and closed it heavily. The seven steps to my bed were too long, I only made it to my area rug before landing face down in the purple material to sob myself to sleep.

I woke to chimes telling me it was ten o'clock in the evening. I stood shakily. Wiping my swollen eyes I opened my bedroom door slowly. Father's deep voice carried from his office down the hall. My feet padded softly against the hardwood floor, an act I had perfected years ago. I trained my eyes on the door so not to look at the family pictures on either side. When I made it I stood and listened. A cold voice shocked me. What was the professor doing here?

"Yes, she's to leave in the morning."

"Finally." I heard my father exclaim. The smell of his pipe smoke drifted through the door.

"You're being sent out as well." Snape drawled.

"I know this, Snape. My letter was delivered this morning. I'm well informed."

"Yes. Yes. Well, you should let her know she's leaving so she can pack a few things. The rest can be sent magically."

My mind raced. What? Where was I going? I leaned forward and my foot stepped on a worn board that squeaked in response. Nearly a second later the door was pulled open to Snape's face looking down on me. "Where am I going?" I demanded.

"Come in Cassidy." My father called darkly from his desk. "You've always been a nosy whore like your mother." Snape looked uncomfortable as he let me in. A ring of smoke swirled around Father's head. He set it in it's holder before leaning on his elbows to look at me.

I kept my chin held high as I strode in to stand before him. "Where?" I demanded to know.

"The Malfoy Manor." His face was nearly smug.

"Wait, why?" Malfoy Manor as in where Draco slept at night. I would have to be in the same house as him? What would people say? He would make the summer living hell for me! "For how long?"

Father always had such a condescending laughter. "You'll be exposed to the truth about yourself when you arrive there. How long? Indefinitely." He was sending me off? Right after the death of mum before my sixteenth birthday he was just going to send me to live with utter strangers? This man had done plenty of things, left his fair share of bruises and scars but this seemed too far fetched for him. "You'll want to back your personal things. The house elves and a few others can do the rest. You'll leave in late morning. Get back to bed." The tone his voice held was menacing. I wanted to argue, to scream, to throw something. My mouth opened. "Don't even. I have never hesitated to teach you respect. I will not now either.

My had span as I made my way back to my bedroom. How could this be? In my room I locked the door and changed into a baggy shirt. From my desk I pulled Witch's Weekly 'Shower in a bottle' out for my hair. I'd take a real one in the morning but the hairspray was bothersome. Sliding under the covers I wasn't sure what to feel.

++++ Draco's POV+++++

"She's what?" My orange juice was spat back onto the table in disbelief.

My mother stood before me nodding. "Cassidy Allens is coming to stay for at very least the summer break. Several important meetings are coming up." She began twisting her hands uneasily. "Of which at least one involves her from what I've been told. I don't know all the details Draco."

"Mum!" I spluttered. "She's a girl. We don't get along!" That was mostly my fault but still. "Pansy won't like it." I tried. She wasn't the biggest fan of Pansy but she always said I should try to avoid being blatantly awful to her.

She turned away from me. "Some things are bigger then you're school problems. I'm sorry, but we're not in a spot to argue with anyone right now." My stomach sank. After father was thrown into Azkaban he lost a lot of his pull. Mother missed him terribly. "She's due around eleven. Go up and get changed."

Realizing arguing would be pointless I stormed out of the room. My feet fell heavily against the stairs on my way to my room. I moved into my bathroom and took a quick shower.

As the steam died down I brushed my teeth, tousled my hair, and walked into my closet. I went to pull on a pair of muggle sweats the decided against it. If we were having company I had to stay up to par, I pulled on my casual robes. "Master Draco, the Mistress calls for you downstairs." A house elf informed.

Downstairs my mother stood in the parlor wringing her hands much more violently then before as she spoke to Cassidy and her father. Bellatrix was lounging in one of the chairs and another death eater who often frequented our house leaned against the door frame. As I appeared my aunt stood. "Look, here's the boy. Draco, why don't you show Miss. Allens to her room to set down her bag then give her a tour while the adults speak?" I glared.

"Try not to be condescending." Cassidy muttered not so quietly.

Bellatrix gave her a murderous look. "That's a great idea. Good bye Cassidy." Her father said before anyone else could say anything. He stepped away to make the point she wasn't getting a hug. I could physically see her shoulders lower in defeat as she turned towards me.

"Draco, will you?" Mother asked quietly. "Please? She's staying in the room next to yours."

"Yeah. Come on." I turned and walked up the stairs once again. She was staying in the room next to mine? Lovely. When we reached her room the door had been opened. I walked in. It mirrored mine pretty closely with a smaller bathroom and closet. "Here you are."

She sat a small bag beside the bed. "Thanks." She said quietly.

"Is that all you have?" I indicated to the bag.

"No. This is all I was allowed to bring with me. The rest is being brought later."

"Oh. Well, can I just tell you where everything is or do you want me to show you?" The idea of wandering the halls with her didn't exactly sound peachy.

Cassidy moved to the window gazing out. "You can just tell me the important parts."

I licked my lips leaning against the doorway. As I spoke she looked me in the eyes. It was as if she was really sinking in what I had to say. It occurred to me Pansy didn't ever seem to really listen. Then again the only reason Cassidy was listening was because if she didn't listen she would be screwed, our house was rather extensive with plenty of twists and turns. After covering the basics I asked, "Any questions?"

"No." She had the appearance of a lost puppy. One who had been kicked a few too many times. After biting her lip she went to ask something then changed her mind saying,"You can go. Close the door." Her hair swished as she walked to the window.

I watched her back for a moment, the way her shoulders were so low and her head ducked. I wasn't particularly close with my mother but couldn't quite fathom what it would feel like to not have her around any more. On top of that there was no way we were going to let her piece of trash friends into our house. Sucked to be her. Hopefully she would stay out of my way. If we could just make it through the summer then everything would go back to normal. If everything followed the plan of avoiding each other then my summer would be the same as always.

But it wouldn't. Things were about to fall apart.

Author's note: So, These first few chapters are going to be terrible. I know where I want to get my characters to I'm just not sure how to go about it. If you'll stick with me it will get better I promise. Any suggestions or comments are welcomed. Just so y'all know, I am looking for names for her friends both male and female. Hint. Hint. :D Kisses- HBP

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